Habit #1: Be Proactive

Have you ever regretted saying or doing something? I know I sure have!! Stephen Covey, shows in this chapter how many times this happens in our lives and thus we are "off track". Ultimately after the reaction moment we realize that is not how we want to talk or act towards our spouse, children or others in our lives. The results would be completely different if we would not react based on the emotion or feeling of the moment but instead based upon our true thoughts and values and feelings toward those we love and care about

Covey suggest for us to create a "pause button", which would enable us to stop between what happens to us and our response to it and to choose our own response. This is called being Proactive- the ability to act based on principles and values rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstance. We can all become agents of change in our family if we as individuals, me as a mother, would be proactive and choose to respond to my family verses reacting in the heat of the moment.

Another great idea presented in this chapter that I thought was really great was the idea of building an emotional bank account. We can, like a bank account, make deposits or withdrawels emotionally into the lives of our family members. We can be proactive and do or say things that build trust in the relationship or we can make withdrawels by reactively doing or saying things that decrease the level of trust.

Having a high balance in ones emotional bank account allows you to "be off track" and make mistakes because of the level of love and trust that exists. However, if the emotional bank account is low then there is lack of trust and no authentic communication. It is like walking in a mine field always on your guard and not knowing when the explosion will take place.

To be proactive, one would need to be able to be self aware, look at the whole situation apart from oneself and see what is happening. Then, he/she needs to be able to compare what is happening with what his/her conscience is saying is right or wrong behavior. The next important ability is to imagine and envision something different then use ones willpower to act. I would step in here to say this ability and discernment comes as you pray and ask God to give you discernment and then the power to be able to respond in the situation as he would have you to. This may sound like it requires a lot of time and thinking, however, if you open your day with prayer and ask God to help order steps that day and respond to each situation as He would have then 1/2 the battle is already done. We just need to choose to trust and obey as the Holy Spirit directs us throughout our day and in each situation. When we mess up, confess it and keep on keeping on!!

Other areas within this chapter that the author wrote about being proactive about were listening to your language, being kind, apologizing, being loyal to those not present, making and keeping promises, and forgiving. Being proactive and making choices based upon ones true values allows circumstances and problems no longer to be obstacles that get in the way of the path; they are the path. Daily interactions become opportunities to build relationships of love and trust. Challenges become like inoculations that activate and boost the "immune system" of the entire family. Just imagine instead of speaking disrespectfully, putting people down we were kind; instead of never saying "I'm sorry" or saying it insincerely, we apologized; instead of complaining, criticizing, & negative talk, we encouraged with our words even when they were not present; make a promise & keep it verses never making commitments & when you do you don't follow through; and what if we forgave instead of being quick to take offense and holding grudges. Can you imagine, boy I can!!

The author says that being proactive is the key to unlock the door to all the other habits. People who continue to avoid taking responsibility and initiative will not be able to fully cultivate the other aspects of being healthy. I know that for me, I am the only one that can make the proactive choice to make a difference in the way I communicate and relate to my family. I admit I can not do it on my on. I must have the indwelling Holy Spirit there giving me the power to do what I am to weak to do. I pray that all who read this entry will make a choice to be proactive and respond in difficult circumstances and make postive deposits in the emotional bank account of the ones they love.

For those of you who have already established a "Pause Button" in your life please post a comment so we can see the creativity that God has given you. I was at a marriage conference one time and the speakers said their favorite drink was diet coke, so whenever they needed to talk alone or just needed a break and they were somewhere where they could not express it at the time or their emotions were such that they needed a time out they would simply say, "I need a diet coke or we need a diet coke". This allowed each of them to know that as soon as they could at the next available opportunity they needed to talk about something. I admit we don't really have that down so as I share this chapt. in the next several days with my family I am praying we could establish our "Pause Button".