Being Real with You!

Just to be real honest, I have had to slow down on my reading and sort of apply what I have been reading!! James 1:22 -25 says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says. 23)Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24) and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25)But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." I will confess that when I say I am going to do something , like reading this book and blogging about it, I tend to be very ritualistic about it and instead of taking it at a pace where I can learn and apply I think I have to read and conquer. Meaning I said I was going to read a chapter a week and blog so that is what I have to do. However, this mindset at times hinders me because I am just reading to be able to blog not reading to learn and apply.....Does that make any sense???

Looking back at the last several weeks there have been times when I (we as a family) have been "off track". We have gotten busy, we have not been as thoughtful toward the other person, I have been moody or whatever. Those things are the path that I am on and I have to stop and realize that through that path we are on I will have obstacles and detours but my goal and my destination is still the same - to love God with all my heart, to love God's word and live it out, to love God's people and lead them to love Him and His word because we are a Kingdom Family!

Making the choice to be Proactive is easier some days than others I must confess. Having the tool of a "pause button" is some times easier to use than at others. I not only have to remind my family to use their "pause button" but they have to remind me to use mine and to be honest I don't always like it when I am reminded. I am thankful that they do remind me when the situation is all said and done with. I am also thankful that God's mercies are new every day and when I totally bomb one day or even in one minute the next day and even the next minute God says in a still small voice, come on you can do it Darla, I am with you, my grace is sufficient, my joy is complete, trust me, don't rely upon your feable thoughts for you are weak and I want to be strong in you. Again there are some days for me this is easier than others and I have to really walk around saying in my mind over and over, "My grace is sufficient for you", "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength", "let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing unto you oh Lord my rock and my redeemer". Do you get the picture?

I know I am not alone in this daily walk called life and I just want to encourage you that you are not alone either!! I pray that you will be encouraged today to know that God is on His throne ALWAYS. He is on His throne in the good times and in the bad, on the rainy days and the sunshiny days. He truely is and I want to be able to be Proacitve enough to base all my decisions on the truth of this principle not on the feelings I might have in the moment of my frustrations. My prayer is that I will take my days and moments and allow God to really order my steps and when the unexpected interruptions come then I say ok, Lord you are in control, help me to walk in this detour that You have allowed in my life, help me respond as You would have me to, not as I in my flesh would do. I pray for those of you who read this entry you would be encouraged.

Striving for more Authentic Families!
Darla

Habit #1: Be Proactive

Have you ever regretted saying or doing something? I know I sure have!! Stephen Covey, shows in this chapter how many times this happens in our lives and thus we are "off track". Ultimately after the reaction moment we realize that is not how we want to talk or act towards our spouse, children or others in our lives. The results would be completely different if we would not react based on the emotion or feeling of the moment but instead based upon our true thoughts and values and feelings toward those we love and care about

Covey suggest for us to create a "pause button", which would enable us to stop between what happens to us and our response to it and to choose our own response. This is called being Proactive- the ability to act based on principles and values rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstance. We can all become agents of change in our family if we as individuals, me as a mother, would be proactive and choose to respond to my family verses reacting in the heat of the moment.

Another great idea presented in this chapter that I thought was really great was the idea of building an emotional bank account. We can, like a bank account, make deposits or withdrawels emotionally into the lives of our family members. We can be proactive and do or say things that build trust in the relationship or we can make withdrawels by reactively doing or saying things that decrease the level of trust.

Having a high balance in ones emotional bank account allows you to "be off track" and make mistakes because of the level of love and trust that exists. However, if the emotional bank account is low then there is lack of trust and no authentic communication. It is like walking in a mine field always on your guard and not knowing when the explosion will take place.

To be proactive, one would need to be able to be self aware, look at the whole situation apart from oneself and see what is happening. Then, he/she needs to be able to compare what is happening with what his/her conscience is saying is right or wrong behavior. The next important ability is to imagine and envision something different then use ones willpower to act. I would step in here to say this ability and discernment comes as you pray and ask God to give you discernment and then the power to be able to respond in the situation as he would have you to. This may sound like it requires a lot of time and thinking, however, if you open your day with prayer and ask God to help order steps that day and respond to each situation as He would have then 1/2 the battle is already done. We just need to choose to trust and obey as the Holy Spirit directs us throughout our day and in each situation. When we mess up, confess it and keep on keeping on!!

Other areas within this chapter that the author wrote about being proactive about were listening to your language, being kind, apologizing, being loyal to those not present, making and keeping promises, and forgiving. Being proactive and making choices based upon ones true values allows circumstances and problems no longer to be obstacles that get in the way of the path; they are the path. Daily interactions become opportunities to build relationships of love and trust. Challenges become like inoculations that activate and boost the "immune system" of the entire family. Just imagine instead of speaking disrespectfully, putting people down we were kind; instead of never saying "I'm sorry" or saying it insincerely, we apologized; instead of complaining, criticizing, & negative talk, we encouraged with our words even when they were not present; make a promise & keep it verses never making commitments & when you do you don't follow through; and what if we forgave instead of being quick to take offense and holding grudges. Can you imagine, boy I can!!

The author says that being proactive is the key to unlock the door to all the other habits. People who continue to avoid taking responsibility and initiative will not be able to fully cultivate the other aspects of being healthy. I know that for me, I am the only one that can make the proactive choice to make a difference in the way I communicate and relate to my family. I admit I can not do it on my on. I must have the indwelling Holy Spirit there giving me the power to do what I am to weak to do. I pray that all who read this entry will make a choice to be proactive and respond in difficult circumstances and make postive deposits in the emotional bank account of the ones they love.

For those of you who have already established a "Pause Button" in your life please post a comment so we can see the creativity that God has given you. I was at a marriage conference one time and the speakers said their favorite drink was diet coke, so whenever they needed to talk alone or just needed a break and they were somewhere where they could not express it at the time or their emotions were such that they needed a time out they would simply say, "I need a diet coke or we need a diet coke". This allowed each of them to know that as soon as they could at the next available opportunity they needed to talk about something. I admit we don't really have that down so as I share this chapt. in the next several days with my family I am praying we could establish our "Pause Button".

Intro. Chapt. to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

Chapt. Title: "You're Going to be "Off Track" 90% of the Time. So What?"



The author says that even good families and great families are off track 90% of the time. The important thing to remember however, is to have a sense of destination - know where you are headed. An analogy is given of an airplane. The airplane has a destination but during flight there is wind, rain, turbulance,and air traffic. These and more factors deviate the plane and cause the pilot to have to be constantly receiving feed back from other sources, insturments, control towers ect... . Based upon the feed back, they make adjustments throughout the flight in order to ultimately reach their destination.



This is such a great analogy to our family as we do have an ultimate destination which we finally wrote down last year in the form of a family mission statement. However, there are times when our words and actions are off course and we have to get back on track.



The purposes for the book are: 1) A clear vision of your destination, 2) A flight plan-basically principles that you lay out that you can live by. To go with the "flow" in society today is fatal. Our society today cannot be the principles you govern your family by as they are not centered upon everlasting truth, God's word. 3) Help recognize and develop 4 unique gifts you have that will help you become an agent of change in your family. It is compared to the expression of "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for the day; teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."



Within the introduction the reader is encouraged to involve their family as he/she reads. There are great discussion questions and stories for younger and older children. My family did not oppose and they willingly allowed us to take 30-40 minutes after dinner to talk and read. I believe this was a very special bonding time for us. I asked them if they would be willing to do this on a somewhat regular basis through out the next several months, all agreed. I know this is a high committment and there will be times harder than others. However, I believe my family is worth it, not perfect!



One last encouraging analogy was "The miracle of the Chinse Bamboo Tree". After the seed of the tree is planted, you see absolutely nothing for 4 years except a very small shoot coming from a bulb. The growth is all underground for those four years establishing a very strong, deep and wide root system. Finally in the 5th year the tree grows up to 8 ft.! Like the gardner of the bamboo tree, we must be patient and know that our diligence and persistance will finally pay off and it will all be worth it.



We must never give up on parenting our children. No matter how far off track we feel we have gotten, we can always take steps to correct the course. An important key to remember is to keep working from the inside out and keep getting back on track when we blow it!!



May you be blessed as hopefully you have "gleened" a little upon the reading of this entry.



Striving for more Authentic Families,

Darla