Community Group Sessions 4

Last night at Community Group we discussed what the next step is after laying the Foundation of a Mission Statement. Keeping in mind that the mission statement is after much prayer and based upon God's word we have gained an understanding of the direction God would have us Intentionally go. We have now gained the proper view of "success in the family" verses the world's view of success for our children & family.

The next step is putting the Walls of Protection in place. There is a story told about an experiment done with children staying huddled together and not using the full space of a playground that did not have a fence. Once a fence was put in place the children began to play on the entire playground. Within the context of the family our children must have a sense of security and know the boundaries that have intentionally been put there for them to grow in a healthy way. Some of the walls of protection that we came up with as a group that need to be in place within a healthy family are:
*healthy relationships-husband/wife, mother/child, father/child, friends
*Character Building must be intentional this could be based upon the fruit of the Spirit described in Galations 5:22
*Communication needs to take place, which happens in our words, our tone, our nonverbal expressions. We need to strive for understanding each other not just wanting the other person to hear. Eph.4:29, James 3:5-8, Ps. 68:5 and Prov. 15:1 are all wonderful verses to study to help allow communication to take place
*Role Model
*Pray
*Devotion
*Thankfulness
*Eyes to see hand of God at work
*Protection of family time together
*Mission Minded

These were just some of the main supporting walls that we shared that need to be in place to help build a home that will withstand the storms of life. Matthew 7:24-27 talks of the wise man building his house upon the rock and the foolish man built his upon the sand. I think this is very appropriate to use within the building of our homes today. We must intentionally build our families upon the solid rock of Jesus Christ and establish the supporting beams and walls based upon the principles God has laid out in His manual book for our lives, the BIBLE.

My prayer for you is that you seek out God's word and heart to establish the walls in your family that will withstand the storms of this world. It is not a matter of "if" the storms will come but when they come, may your family be firmly grounded and rooted in the truth of God's word.

Please post a comment with some "walls" you have established within your family. We can all learn from each other!


Praying for more Authentic Families,
Darla

Community Group Sessions 3

Today I would like to share about our community group session 3, "Begin With The End In Mind". We did a recap of the previous session of noting that God's view of success for our children & families does not match up with the worlds view of success. With this in mind we began with an illustration of taking a family vacation. Everyone was asked to "mentally" pack their suit case for our vacation. Each one "packed their bags" ,but when the question was asked what they packed and did they pack the appropriate things to go to Alaska, no one had properly packed things for this destination. It would have been much more beneficial to have known the destination prior to the packing. The same is true with the importance of having a blueprint before building, having a flight plan before a flight, a script written before the play, workout schedule before the marathon. Thus having a plan for our family is critical. Knowing where we are going as a family helps us along the way to that destination.

We discussed the importance of a "Family Mission Statement". This is the blueprint, if you will, of where a family is headed. It can be as short as 3 or 4 words, it can be in a sentence or 2 but the point is that we as parents take the time to pray and ask God what His plans are for our family and clearly define that so that as we live from day to day we can be better equipped to equip our children for what God has for us.

A few years ago we developed our mission statement which says,

We are a Kingdom Family

We desire to love God with all our heart.

We desire to love God's word and live it out.,

We desire to love God's people and lead them to love Him and His word.

We are a Kingdom Family.

If you have never thought about where you as a family or as an individual are going, I would encourage you to do so. If you are not aiming at something then you run a great risk of ending up somewhere you would never have intended to go and most likely that is not where God's plan would have taken you either. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Seeking God first will most assuredly produce the best end result for you and your family. Give it a try!!

Praying for more Authentic Families,

Darla

Intentional Parenting

We have started new Community Groups at TCAL for the summer. Brian and I are leading one called "Intentional Parenting". I'm going to share the last 2 weeks with you for those who haven't been able to attend yet to catch up or for those of you who can't attend at all. It is our prayer that God could use something to help you or another friend become a little more sharpened as you parent the children God has placed within your care.

The first week we basically did introductions and tried to get to know each other better. We talked about the expectations each had for the group. We took a journey into our past to remember the good times from our past and then recalled the memorable moments we have currently in our families today. We then looked at God's word to see what has been set before us by God. Deuteronomy 6:4-7 says, "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God the Lord is one Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road when you lie down and when you get up." This is a foundational passage for us as parents as it is our responsibility to "disciple" train, teach our children.

Last week our topic was "Success". Brian posed the question, "What does success look like for your child today?" and then he had each of us write down 5 things that describe what we each saw as success for our child at age 30?

Go ahead, think about it yourself....................

We shared some of the things and then I read a story about a family and their dreams for their son and baseball from "Parenting with Kingdom Purpose". The story displayed the heartache of the parents as they pursued a dream for their son that was not based on God's view of success and purpose for their son.

Next we looked to God's word to see what he had to say about success. Brian asked us as we read the scripture to read them in light of success for your children. The scriptures are: Matt. 22:37-38, Jer. 29:11, 1Cor. 16:13, Ro. 12:1-2, Matt.6:33 and 2Chron. 16.9a. I would challenge you to take a look at these scriptures yourself and see what God might view success to be in the life of you and your child(ren). We find that sometimes our view of success and God's view are not always the same. If this is true for you then you might want to reevaluate and ask that God would help your view line up with his.

The night was ended with an encouragement to pray for God's measure of success for our children and to be a revolutionary parent, be intentional about building the right things in our children and to think with a Kingdom Purpose focus for our families. We gave a handout entitled "10 Building Blocks for Helping Your Kids Become Champions in Life" by Jim Burns & Pat Williams. You can obtain a copy of this article at www.HomeWord.com

For those of you who would like to come to the Community Group it is not too late. We start at 7pm on Tues. Hopefully I will be able to get the next session posted for those of you who are not able to attend and you can again GLEAN from what God has taught Brian and I.

Helping to Build more Authentic Families,
Darla

Habit #2 Begin with the End in Mind

Ok, I know it has been a month or so?? again, but I am still at it! I told you this book was big from the beginning and it was a challenge. But I am still slowly plugging away and desire to be accountable and finish what I started. A lot has taken place in 2 months time. Trips have been made, people have come to know the Lord, I now have a 17 yr. old son, our BConnected business is shaping up...just lot's of things. Last week at our family camping trip God gave me some time to read and write so I am gladly able to sit and share the next chapter. It is a great topic that I pray those of you who read will be able to glean some valuable life impacting information.

The name of Chapter 2, of the book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families", is "Begin With The End In Mind". It is about having a clear view of the end result which allows the in between time to carry a whole different picture and therefore allows our response to situations to be much more proactive and better responses. Habit #2 is about creating a clear compelling vision of what you and your family are all about. It defines your destination and this helps you as you make decisions along the way. With this principle there is a vision which has power and purpose to rise above the "baggage" many of us carry and to make decisions and act upon what really matters.

The tool that is promoted is a Family Mission Statement. A Family Mission Statement is a combined and unified expression from family member that shows and says what that family is all about-where they are headed-what's their purpose and final destination. It is the principles you choose to use in life. It is coming up with the idea 1st then living it in reality. An example is that of a building - the blue prints came 1st then the building. Another analogy is that of the pilot. He/she has a flight plan and then carries it out. He/she knows their destination before taking off in the plane. The consequences of starting out with no plan in mind could be devastating and even fatal!

Having a clear purpose and vision that each individual in the marriage/family agrees upon is key to a healthy family. It says in Proverbs 29:18 "...without a vision the people perish." If you have no mental picture or vision of where you are headed then life will just happen and you and your family will be swept along with societies values and trends. Thus that is not taking charge of your life and living life to the full - it is right the opposite - letting the world and Satan direct you and lead your life here, there and ultimately no where!

The author, Stephen Covey, offers great detail on how to create a Mission Statement and encourages each family member to take part. Our Family Mission Statement came a little differently. As I began to pray and seek God a little over a year ago concerning this very topic, I believe He gave me some words that clearly define our families purpose and destination. I presented the words/statement 1st to Brian and then the boys, they all agreed and felt these were words we as a family could and should live by. They are principles and truths that reflect us for who we want to be and where we are headed as individuals and as a family. Upon reading this chapter I again asked my family about our Mission Statement and wanted them to be very honest to tell me if these words still held true to our family. They all agreed that the statement did represent who they wanted to be as an individual and as a family.

If you have never thought of a purpose or underlying principles for you and your family to live by then I would encourage you to pray and ask God to direct you and lead you to accomplish establishing a Mission Statement for your family. It will truly help you become closer to God for one and to each other. It will also help guide you as you make life impacting decisions today and in the days to come. A Mission Statement will help enable you and your children to not be tossed around by every "wave and wind of doctrine" (Ephesians 4:14), but to be firmly established and rooted in who they are in this life (1Peter 1:12)

Praying you glean from this reading as you continue to build an Authentic Family!!

Darla

Being Real with You!

Just to be real honest, I have had to slow down on my reading and sort of apply what I have been reading!! James 1:22 -25 says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says. 23)Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24) and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25)But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." I will confess that when I say I am going to do something , like reading this book and blogging about it, I tend to be very ritualistic about it and instead of taking it at a pace where I can learn and apply I think I have to read and conquer. Meaning I said I was going to read a chapter a week and blog so that is what I have to do. However, this mindset at times hinders me because I am just reading to be able to blog not reading to learn and apply.....Does that make any sense???

Looking back at the last several weeks there have been times when I (we as a family) have been "off track". We have gotten busy, we have not been as thoughtful toward the other person, I have been moody or whatever. Those things are the path that I am on and I have to stop and realize that through that path we are on I will have obstacles and detours but my goal and my destination is still the same - to love God with all my heart, to love God's word and live it out, to love God's people and lead them to love Him and His word because we are a Kingdom Family!

Making the choice to be Proactive is easier some days than others I must confess. Having the tool of a "pause button" is some times easier to use than at others. I not only have to remind my family to use their "pause button" but they have to remind me to use mine and to be honest I don't always like it when I am reminded. I am thankful that they do remind me when the situation is all said and done with. I am also thankful that God's mercies are new every day and when I totally bomb one day or even in one minute the next day and even the next minute God says in a still small voice, come on you can do it Darla, I am with you, my grace is sufficient, my joy is complete, trust me, don't rely upon your feable thoughts for you are weak and I want to be strong in you. Again there are some days for me this is easier than others and I have to really walk around saying in my mind over and over, "My grace is sufficient for you", "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength", "let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing unto you oh Lord my rock and my redeemer". Do you get the picture?

I know I am not alone in this daily walk called life and I just want to encourage you that you are not alone either!! I pray that you will be encouraged today to know that God is on His throne ALWAYS. He is on His throne in the good times and in the bad, on the rainy days and the sunshiny days. He truely is and I want to be able to be Proacitve enough to base all my decisions on the truth of this principle not on the feelings I might have in the moment of my frustrations. My prayer is that I will take my days and moments and allow God to really order my steps and when the unexpected interruptions come then I say ok, Lord you are in control, help me to walk in this detour that You have allowed in my life, help me respond as You would have me to, not as I in my flesh would do. I pray for those of you who read this entry you would be encouraged.

Striving for more Authentic Families!
Darla

Habit #1: Be Proactive

Have you ever regretted saying or doing something? I know I sure have!! Stephen Covey, shows in this chapter how many times this happens in our lives and thus we are "off track". Ultimately after the reaction moment we realize that is not how we want to talk or act towards our spouse, children or others in our lives. The results would be completely different if we would not react based on the emotion or feeling of the moment but instead based upon our true thoughts and values and feelings toward those we love and care about

Covey suggest for us to create a "pause button", which would enable us to stop between what happens to us and our response to it and to choose our own response. This is called being Proactive- the ability to act based on principles and values rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstance. We can all become agents of change in our family if we as individuals, me as a mother, would be proactive and choose to respond to my family verses reacting in the heat of the moment.

Another great idea presented in this chapter that I thought was really great was the idea of building an emotional bank account. We can, like a bank account, make deposits or withdrawels emotionally into the lives of our family members. We can be proactive and do or say things that build trust in the relationship or we can make withdrawels by reactively doing or saying things that decrease the level of trust.

Having a high balance in ones emotional bank account allows you to "be off track" and make mistakes because of the level of love and trust that exists. However, if the emotional bank account is low then there is lack of trust and no authentic communication. It is like walking in a mine field always on your guard and not knowing when the explosion will take place.

To be proactive, one would need to be able to be self aware, look at the whole situation apart from oneself and see what is happening. Then, he/she needs to be able to compare what is happening with what his/her conscience is saying is right or wrong behavior. The next important ability is to imagine and envision something different then use ones willpower to act. I would step in here to say this ability and discernment comes as you pray and ask God to give you discernment and then the power to be able to respond in the situation as he would have you to. This may sound like it requires a lot of time and thinking, however, if you open your day with prayer and ask God to help order steps that day and respond to each situation as He would have then 1/2 the battle is already done. We just need to choose to trust and obey as the Holy Spirit directs us throughout our day and in each situation. When we mess up, confess it and keep on keeping on!!

Other areas within this chapter that the author wrote about being proactive about were listening to your language, being kind, apologizing, being loyal to those not present, making and keeping promises, and forgiving. Being proactive and making choices based upon ones true values allows circumstances and problems no longer to be obstacles that get in the way of the path; they are the path. Daily interactions become opportunities to build relationships of love and trust. Challenges become like inoculations that activate and boost the "immune system" of the entire family. Just imagine instead of speaking disrespectfully, putting people down we were kind; instead of never saying "I'm sorry" or saying it insincerely, we apologized; instead of complaining, criticizing, & negative talk, we encouraged with our words even when they were not present; make a promise & keep it verses never making commitments & when you do you don't follow through; and what if we forgave instead of being quick to take offense and holding grudges. Can you imagine, boy I can!!

The author says that being proactive is the key to unlock the door to all the other habits. People who continue to avoid taking responsibility and initiative will not be able to fully cultivate the other aspects of being healthy. I know that for me, I am the only one that can make the proactive choice to make a difference in the way I communicate and relate to my family. I admit I can not do it on my on. I must have the indwelling Holy Spirit there giving me the power to do what I am to weak to do. I pray that all who read this entry will make a choice to be proactive and respond in difficult circumstances and make postive deposits in the emotional bank account of the ones they love.

For those of you who have already established a "Pause Button" in your life please post a comment so we can see the creativity that God has given you. I was at a marriage conference one time and the speakers said their favorite drink was diet coke, so whenever they needed to talk alone or just needed a break and they were somewhere where they could not express it at the time or their emotions were such that they needed a time out they would simply say, "I need a diet coke or we need a diet coke". This allowed each of them to know that as soon as they could at the next available opportunity they needed to talk about something. I admit we don't really have that down so as I share this chapt. in the next several days with my family I am praying we could establish our "Pause Button".

Intro. Chapt. to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

Chapt. Title: "You're Going to be "Off Track" 90% of the Time. So What?"



The author says that even good families and great families are off track 90% of the time. The important thing to remember however, is to have a sense of destination - know where you are headed. An analogy is given of an airplane. The airplane has a destination but during flight there is wind, rain, turbulance,and air traffic. These and more factors deviate the plane and cause the pilot to have to be constantly receiving feed back from other sources, insturments, control towers ect... . Based upon the feed back, they make adjustments throughout the flight in order to ultimately reach their destination.



This is such a great analogy to our family as we do have an ultimate destination which we finally wrote down last year in the form of a family mission statement. However, there are times when our words and actions are off course and we have to get back on track.



The purposes for the book are: 1) A clear vision of your destination, 2) A flight plan-basically principles that you lay out that you can live by. To go with the "flow" in society today is fatal. Our society today cannot be the principles you govern your family by as they are not centered upon everlasting truth, God's word. 3) Help recognize and develop 4 unique gifts you have that will help you become an agent of change in your family. It is compared to the expression of "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for the day; teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."



Within the introduction the reader is encouraged to involve their family as he/she reads. There are great discussion questions and stories for younger and older children. My family did not oppose and they willingly allowed us to take 30-40 minutes after dinner to talk and read. I believe this was a very special bonding time for us. I asked them if they would be willing to do this on a somewhat regular basis through out the next several months, all agreed. I know this is a high committment and there will be times harder than others. However, I believe my family is worth it, not perfect!



One last encouraging analogy was "The miracle of the Chinse Bamboo Tree". After the seed of the tree is planted, you see absolutely nothing for 4 years except a very small shoot coming from a bulb. The growth is all underground for those four years establishing a very strong, deep and wide root system. Finally in the 5th year the tree grows up to 8 ft.! Like the gardner of the bamboo tree, we must be patient and know that our diligence and persistance will finally pay off and it will all be worth it.



We must never give up on parenting our children. No matter how far off track we feel we have gotten, we can always take steps to correct the course. An important key to remember is to keep working from the inside out and keep getting back on track when we blow it!!



May you be blessed as hopefully you have "gleened" a little upon the reading of this entry.



Striving for more Authentic Families,

Darla

Why Blog?

This all might seem a little random but here it goes!

I am not much on sitting & being still and just reading, but today I had an hour to sit and God told me to sit and read in the van while waiting to pick up Noah, of course my mind ran to all sorts of other errands or "piddling" I could do. Fortunately, today, I was obedient to the prodding of the Holy Spirit.

Back to why blog?
1st off Brian suggested as a great way to communicate and even hopefully minister to others in a techno world that we live in. He set it all up for my as I am techno challenged myself!! So I do need to at least give it a try.
Next: God has plainly spoken through my sickness/back being out
What he spoke:
* journal what God has done and is doing in your life so you don't forget and it will be a reminder of just how real God is not only to you but to your family and others
* spend time reading
Affirmation:
*nudging from God in my spirit was his still small voice to follow through with what he had been speaking to me
*Paul's sermon Sunday 1/20 to 1)learn all you can in your field - I believe the field God has given me a passion for is the Family. In his sermon, Paul encouraged us to be the best we could be in our field in order to bring glory to God. He pointed out that if one isn't reading and continuing to learn then growth will not be taking place and we will even loose the knowledge we have previously gained! Wow! Now I had better be a good steward with the knowledge God has allowed me to have. 2)We must obtain all the wisdom we can from God's word by reading and meditating and memorizing and 3) Apply what we have learned!!

Right Now Today:
Sooooo.... as I am being obedient right now I sense that God has lead me to read a book" The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" (by the way it is a fairly large book ooh, scary since I am not much of a reader and it takes me forever!!) As I open the book and begin reading I sense that I am to blog what I learn - basically give a book report of what I am learning. So, if you want some highlights, keep checking back and prayerfully I will be committed to read a little each day or at least several times a week and then blog as I go along. Blogging and knowing some of you might just check back will keep me accountable. I pray that you would be able to glean from what God will be teaching me!!

Obedience

Don't know exactly why things happen. Such as my current back pain. But I am asking Him to help me praise Him in the midst of it. Some moments are easier than others. He has reassured me of His love and that He has a purpose for my life. Since I haven't been able to do much and I am quiet the doer around here (haha) he has very quietly instructed me to get some things done that I have put off because I don't like to sit down and be still to do things such as writing notes, reading a book, doing even this blogging thing, journaling. God has very plainly spoken to me that those things are of him just as much as managing my home, making beds, doing the laundry, going to the store, cooking cleaning, running here, there and attending everything. Being still is sometimes the most important thing I can do and reflecting upon all He has done!!

New at Blogging

This is really a weird way to communicate with people, but my husbands tells me it can be a great tool to share what God has taught us about having a healthy God-honoring home. He says it is worth the effort to learn, so I will give it a go.

Top Books that impacted me

kingdom parenting

bar baracha

launching kids